We do it to ourselves



I was reflecting on an experience I had as a child. I hid behind the couch to pull my loose tooth out. It was not that I thought I was doing something wrong, or it hurt less if I did it. It was because I wanted to be in control of the pain. I didn’t want my mother to try and pull it out LOL! It’s interesting that we perceive the pain we do to ourselves differently than the pain we feel is “done to us”.  We could be inflicting the same exact physical damage and it doesn’t hurt the same. It doesn’t tickle at all if I pass a feather over my forearm, but the slightest touch like that from someone else and I’m pulling away laughing because the sensation is so strong.

So what causes that?  It has to be something in our consciousness since it is the perception that is different, not the physical actions or physical result. My vote is on FEAR. Fear is a powerful emotion. It changes our perception of reality – the “what is”, and skews it into an amplified twisted horror. Fear makes pain feel greater when that pain is something we think we have no control over.

What about those things we believe can only be done to us? We don’t possibly have control over everything. Thinking that someone betraying me, or causing me physical pain isn’t invalid. It’s what happens when people punch you in the face or cheat on you.

We control our little universe. It’s that bubble around you that is comprised of your actions, thoughts, and feelings. Ever person is in control of their own bubble and must take responsibility for it actions, thoughts, feelings and all. That concept that “no one can make you anything.”


The kicker is that our personal universe is not out there in the world all on its own. It interacts with other people / universes.

When the  energies (physical, mental & spiritual. Includes thoughts and feelings) interact with others there is cause & effect.   “No man is an island”. We effect the world around us and people around us. We are responsible for our own thoughts and actions and how our own thoughts and actions effect others.

Now, we do not go out into the world and make someone punch us in the face (unless we are an asshole) We may choose to do things that put us in risky positions, that is ours to own. – that can be hard to accept. It is not “victim blaming” when we understand and accept the reality that we do play a roll with our choices. Guilt, shame, the anger we place against ourselves only further builds the defensive wall which hides our truth from our self and others. We need to forgive ourselves. Guilt and Shame eat away your light.

Those that do harm
We all have free will and that includes how we use our body, mind, spirit. We can use it to harm others. Those that harm others have made a choice to harm you. Period. They must own that it is their piece of the interaction that they must own.  Kind of like if someone comes and pushes you down….That is theirs to own. That was their energy acting on yours.   That is not “your fault”!  At the end of the day they make that ultimate choice to harm us… They do. That part is NOT YOUR FAULT!

The piece that we own is what we do with that harm that has been placed on us….

What we own in an interaction where someone has harmed us
For things that are done to us, we have the freedom of our perspective. Someone can do something, such as kill our body; however, it is our control of our own fear, feelings, physical actions and perspective that we get to choose. With that free will we get to make a choice. It takes practice, and mind-full awareness, but we can all choose if it “feels bad” or “feels good” or even “feels neither bad nor good – just is”.

When someone pushes you down you have the choice do you stand up or stay on the ground?Do you stand up and punch them back? Do you walk away? Your body may have a cut on it and that hurts, but do you still feel at peace in your soul? Maybe you feel bad for that person that just knocked you down. Maybe you are angry. Maybe you do punch them in the face. Maybe when it happens your are torn and pissed but then 10 years from then you don’t feel good or bad about it and just go ‘ya that happens and it just is a reality with no obvious emotion attached.” That is the power you have and the part that you own.  

I teach people in my self-defense class that even inaction is action if you choose it to be. Frozen is still a valid survival tool. Not moving because you can’t or don’t want to because of fear is valid. Your physical body doesn’t have an option right then and there….. but we are more than just a physical body! We have our mind and spirit. Our mind is picking up pieces of info for evidence. Our mind and consciousness is taking us away to a lovely day at the beach where we can be at peace though our body is in pain. Choice isn’t ALWAYS a conscious act.  

 Energy in its pure form is not good or bad per se. That which we perceive as negative is a great evolutionary catalyst.  Meaning we have the power in our own mind and consciousness to choose our feelings. Choose our perspective. A shitty ass thing could be exactly what the soul needed to have a change of heart, see the light, improve themselves, stop doing XYZ, do more XYZ, or whatever 😀 It is so difficult to think of silver linings in shitty painful situations. Which is why this is a hard concept even for me to hear. ESPECIALLY right when I’m in the middle of being harmed or pissed off.  It is all part of healing.



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